The biggest lesson I’ve learned in life thus far is just to leave all the things you couldn’t say, unsaid
And if we’re being honest, I’ve been silent for so long that somedays it feels like my porcelain walls will crumble and every feeling will flow out of me like the walls of a dam breaking down, releasing vicious water that will destroy everything in its path
Sink down and let the water rise above my body
Water feels like the only place I’m safe from you these days because I thought I was out of it
I thought this was the healing
How many miles between us does there have to be before you allow me to have some space?
They say you can’t run away from your past but I’ve still been trying
And I’ve never been homesick
Because it was “home” that made me sick
I’ve kept my words inside since the day you took my face in your hand and pressed my cheeks so tight together that they touched between your fingers
I just want to breathe
Because the truth is that I’ve never had the courage to talk about you and I feel like maybe,
Just maybe if I could say it that somehow I could be free
So I’ve been trying for most my life to figure out just how to say everything you’ve done to me
But there’s always darkness somewhere,
It’s just easier to see the shadows when there’s sunlight
You are the one I hid from in my nightmares
that’s always come back for me.
It doesn’t matter how deep the waters are beneath me
You will
always spend your life swimming to my life raft
push me head first into the sea
just to watch me drown
so you’ll know where to find me
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